Bella Thorne Comes Out As Pansexual: ‘It Doesn’t Have To Be A Girl Or A Guy’- my response

James Bond
5 min readJul 23, 2019

I saw this article on MSN news and it reminded me of an incident with a very close family member of mine.

I have a female cousin- actually she’s more of a cousin she’s my little kid sister. I always suspected as I have incredible gaydar.

When she was 14 I saw her kissing a girl. I didn’t say or do anything when I saw it. However, she saw me.

A few minutes later she came running to me with her girlfriend and said “It’s not what you think. Please don’t tell anyone.”

I simply replied. “It’s exactly what I think it is- you are into girls and I’ve always known. I don’t see any need to gossip about it. You are my kid sister, I just want good things for you and for you to be happy. If that means you are going out with a girl then what’s the problem?”

She started crying.

I then said, “I only have one problem- you didn’t trust me enough to tell me and you felt you had to hide it from me.”

Her girlfriend then started crying saying “I wish my brother was so understanding.”

What happened next made them both cry.

“I know we come from a conservative culture. Anytime you want to see one another tell your parents you are coming to our place for study sessions and I’ll cover for you.”

She then asked why.

I told her the story of my first wife. I told my cousin that if I didn’t help her then I had learned nothing. How I would have loved to have someone cover for me.

We had a very Romeo and Juliet relationship when we were both 14–16. Her Dad was Irish, her Mum was Kuwaiti — he worked out there on the oil rigs. However, he converted to Islam to marry her. (An Irishman who loves booze marrying a Muslim woman! It was never going to work! However, they say love is blind. I still can’t figure out how they met.)

Anyway, they came to the UK. I met her when I was at a swimming event. We were very much in love and used to meet in secret. We planned to get married after our GCSEs (I didn’t know that in those days if you wanted to get married at the age of 16 you needed your family’s permission which we would never have got!)

Her Dad used to hit her mother all the time and eventually she filed for divorce. Before Jane was 16 her mother took her to Kuwait. Her Dad insisted she was given a western name to avoid bullying at school. When she went to Kuwait she was re-named. We kept in contact. She used to write to me at a PO Box address. I used to write to her c/o a named person at the British Embassy in Kuwait. In Kuwait it is very difficult for a woman to go anywhere without a male chaperone so how she did it I don’t know.

When I was 21 I got a letter from her. She was being forced into an arranged marriage and had planned an escape. It was a very elaborate escape. She escaped to the UK — given she was born in the UK they could never refuse her entry. I met her at the airport. In between the year of her letter and her arrival in the UK, I did loads of clinical drug trials, became a sperm donor and did illegal street fights to raise the money to get her a new identity. I even did male escorting (but never slept with my clients I only took them on dates like the Doncaster Races. The company who hired me was very strict on that. The moment your date finished a taxi would be there to take you home.) I did it all for my childhood sweetheart.

When she came to the UK I took her to Gretna Green and we got married (although no official documents were signed.) A letter was sent to her relatives in the middle east saying that she could not marry- she was already married.

I then arranged for her to get a new name, a new identity, a new work history, a new national insurance number, a new driving license etc and I had her put under an unofficial version of the witness protection program so they would never find her. If we stayed together they would have killed her. She had dishonoured her family and dishonoured Islam.

Have you ever seen Terminator when Sarah Connor. At the end she talks of her one night with Kyle- the father of John Connor. She says that although she spent only one night together they loved a lifetime’s worth. That’s what happened with me and Jane. The video is on

On the 19th of September every year, there are a few tracks I play all day long.

Robin Beck- first time.

Bee Gees- Secret Love. Trust me there is nobody in this world better at keeping a relationship secret than I am!

I will always love you -Whitney Houston

Miss you like Crazy Natalie Cole

REM- the one I love

Peter Sarstedy, Where do you go to my Lovely

However, on 19th September she went under the program and I never saw her again. She sometimes sends me the odd letter but she’s not allowed to put her address on it.

That’s one reason why the 19th September is a very traumatic day for me.

A few years later my cousin showed her mother a video of two women getting married like this one.

At which point my aunt broke down. She said she knew from when she was a teenager that she was into girls and dreamed of marrying a woman. On finding out her parents forced her to marry a man 20 years older than her. My aunt said that the only good thing that came from that marriage was her daughter.

She had kept it to herself for some 35 years. My cousin and I got to work. She found a female partner for her mother- who ironically happened to be a divorce lawyer. They are now married. It was my evidence in court that helped with the divorce. Her husband only stopped thumping her when I caught him doing it.

Now when this guy went to India on business my Aunt moved her stuff out. He came back to an empty house and I served divorce papers and a restraining order on him.

My cousin is bisexual and she has a husband. My Aunt is now married to a woman and they are all happy. However isn’t it sad that they had to go to such lengths to be themselves?

As I said if I didn’t help them then I have learned nothing. If my first wife ever reads this always remember there is a place in my heart for you.

(1) Bella Thorne comes out as pansexual, talks about her struggles