The story of how I lost my first wife.
Let me tell you the story of how I lost my beloved first wife.
Have you ever seen The Karate Kid?
Do you remember the scene where Mr. Miyagi goes nuts on the anniversary of the death of his wife and child? The same happens to me on the anniversary of the day I lost my beloved.
I write this article, today is 19th of September is the anniversary of the day my first wife was taken away from me.
We had a very Romeo and Juliet relationship when we were both 14–16.
Whenever I see Secret love by the Bee Gees I think to myself nobody knows more about secret love than I do
Her Dad was Irish, her Mum was Arabic— he worked out there on the oil rigs. However, he converted to marry her. (An Irishman who loves booze marrying an Arab woman! It was never going to work! However they say love is blind. I still can’t figure out how they met.)
Anyway, they came to the UK. I met her when I was at a swimming event. We were very much in love and used to meet in secret. We planned to get married after our GCSEs (I didn’t know that in those days if you wanted to get married at the age of 16 you needed your family’s permission which we would never have got!) My parents would have hated her and her parents would have hated me.
Her Dad used to hit her mother all the time and eventually she filed for divorce. Before she was 16 her mother took her to the middle east. Her Dad insisted she was given a western name to avoid bullying at school. When she went to the middle east she was re-named. We kept in contact. She used to write to me at a PO Box address. I used to write to her c/o a named person at the British Embassy in the country she was in. In that country, it is very difficult for a woman to go anywhere without a male chaperone so how she did it I don’t know.
I went to medical school at the age of 20 and everything was fine until the Easter holidays.
There were two suicide attempts in my family. I figured the only thing that could keep them from doing it was to get really good exam results. I worked my socks off. However soon into my final term in my 1st year in medical school my girlfriend at the time suffered tremendous abdominal pain and was about to have surgery. I was exhausted physically and mentally.
It was no surprise I failed them.
Then I got the news that one of my best friends from when I was a kid had been killed. He was cleaning a rifle and didn’t realise there was a bullet still in it and it went off in his face. The three of us were inseparable. Of the three of us, I am the only one left alive.
Could anything else go wrong?
The problems domestically got worse. Then I started to get chest pains. My Dad being a family doctor referred me to a physician. I got seen very quickly.
I was seen by a specialist and I was wearing a Liverpool FC shirt. The specialist then said, “Do you remember that illness Graeme Souness had when he was in hospital before the 1992 FA Cup final?”
I said “Yes”
He then said, “You have the same medical condition.”
This was a week before my re-sit exams! I remember sitting there in a daze as my specialist reeled off a load of information. As I was led out I was given a leaflet but I was in shock. I was only 21 how could this be happening to me?
Needless to say, I failed my re-sits. At least I had something in common with one of my boyhood heroes!
It was made worse when my girlfriend at the time accused me of being unfaithful and to cap it all off a week before term started again she finished with me.
I remember seeing a senior administrator at the medical school who asked what had gone wrong and she said “Oh my God” as I told the story. She even said, “I am not in the least bit surprised you failed.” However senior medical academics take the view “If had done enough work how would that have affected you?”
The hardest part was a week later when I was having lunch with my friends who went off for their 2nd-year lectures and I had to go for my 1st-year ones (again!)
A few weeks later my Dad came to visit me. He said that there had been a medical mix up.
A 55-year-old man was told he was just under great stress and to take it easy.
A 21-year-old was told that I had the same deadly condition that Graeme Souness had.
They got the notes mixed up.
This is why when I was a junior doctor I always labelled notes properly. My ward clerk always noted that on each entry I put an addressograph label on. Such labels have the patients full name, address, date of birth and hospital number. You will not believe how often patient notes are not labelled properly.
Then a letter arrived at my new University address. It was from her. How did she find me? To this day I have never found out.
My beloved was being forced into an arranged marriage and had planned an escape. It was a very elaborate escape to take place in a year’s time. She was planning to escape to the UK — given she was born in the UK they could never refuse her entry.
In between the year of her letter and her arrival in the UK, I did loads of clinical drug trials, became a sperm donor and did illegal street fights to raise the money to get her a new identity. I even did male escorting (but never slept with my clients I only took them on dates like the Doncaster Races. The company who hired me was very strict about that. The moment your date finished a taxi would be there to take you home.) I did it all for my childhood sweetheart.
On top of that I had the first year of medical school!
I never forget being at the airport waiting for her. I kneeled down to tie my shoelaces. I then felt a tap on my shoulder.
“Hello loverboy” (her nickname for me.)
We both burst into tears as we hugged one another.
I had hired a car and I took her to Gretna Green and we got married (although no official documents were signed.) A letter was sent to her relatives in the middle east saying that she could not marry- she was already married.
It was then arranged for her to get a new name, a new identity, a new work history, a new national insurance number, a new driving license etc so they would never find her. If we stayed together they would have killed her. She had dishonoured her family and dishonoured her family faith. I knew they would stop at nothing.
On the 19th of September every year, there are a few tracks I play all day long.
Right Said Fred’s Where did you go to my lovely?
That is a cover of Peter Sarstedt’s Where did you go to my lovely?
Whitney Houston’s “I will always love you.” I remember once my beloved sent me a letter emphasising the point saying “I hope life treats you kind andI hope you have all you dream of. I wish you joy and happiness but above all this I wish you love.” In every letter she sends me she emphasises this.
REM’s “The one I love.”
Robin Beck’s First Time. Everybody remembers their first love.
The cover by Sunblock.
DJ Sammy Heaven. We used to love the Bryan Adams version.
Debbie Gibson’s -Only in My Dreams that was our song.
I remember once she asked a radio station to play this song for my birthday. The DJ said: “From the woman you saved.” It’s Bonnie Tyler’s Holding out for a hero. I broke down that she remembered.
In 1998 she asked a radio DJ to play Celine Dion’s My heart will go on for me. She once sent me a letter saying “you are my Jack Dawson I am your Rose.” However again she wrote me a letter telling me to find true love.
I love the 7 minute version.
I love the end scene of Titanic where Jack and Rose are re-united.
I am always reminded of the final scene in Braveheart when William Wallace sees his wife, Moran, again.
I’ve had other relationships since. At medical school, I was treated like a leper.
However, as soon as any girlfriend googles me they leave me. None have ever given me the chance to show I was framed as I detail in below.
I don’t have any photos of her now -I wish I did. This is why I get a lump in my throat when I hear “Wishing I had a photograph of you” by A Flock of Seagulls.
As a result, I have had no end of one-night stands. Trust me- my womanising namesake secret again (007) in the movies has nothing on me.
When I was a student I would never fail to take a woman home on any friday or Saturday night I went out-even the nightclub bouncers couldn’t believe it. I would brazenly go up to women and ask them for sex. I would get slapped a lot- a minimum of 5 times per night- but I used to get a lot of sex too! It was quite surprising when some would just say “OK.”
Trust me as a student I was the original Lord Flasheart.
This reminds me of the time I gatecrashed a wedding and tried it on with the bride-I didn’t know she was the bride though! I used to crash a lot of weddings for that reason.
I can so relate to Charlene’s I’ve never been to me. In this video a woman talks about how she has slept around like mad but never fallen in love with anyone.
That lands you in a catch 22. Nobody wants a relationship with you so you end up with one night stands. However, when anyone finds out how many one night stands you’ve had they don’t want to know.
Have you ever seen Heart’s What about love? In the song, the lady says “you are well on your way to the top but there’s something that you forgot. What about love?” In a few year’s time, my flagship fitness programme Mums in Mind http://www.weightlossformums.online will make me a multi-millionaire.
I once lived with this young woman who was a student tenant and she said that this song described me to a “T.” She freaked when she saw me bring three women home in as many nights (wednesday-friday) and on saturday I went to spend the night with a lady I had a pure physical relationship with. She kept saying I would make a brilliant boyfriend for someone.
However, who is going to go out with someone who makes Lord Flasheart look like a virgin?
I suppose you can also argue the points in Boogie Pimps Someone to love.
In the few hours we spent together- we loved a lifetime’s worth.
Have you ever seen Terminator with Sarah Connor? Do you remember when Sarah asks Kyle if there was anyone special in his life? He says “No, Never.”I can relate to this so much.
He came across time for the woman he loved. Sarah Connor.
In the end, she talks of her one night with Kyle- the father of John Connor. She says that although she spent only one night together they loved a lifetime’s worth. That’s what happened with me and my beloved-the night we got married. The video is below.
However, on 19th September she went under the program and I never saw her again. She sometimes sends me the odd letter but she’s not allowed to put her address on it. She always tells me to be happy and to find love.
That’s one reason why the 19th September is a very traumatic day for me.
So despite what you may think I am a human being like everyone else.
This is why I help so many people escape forced arranged marriage. To my mind forced marriage and arranged marriage are one and the same thing.
Bibliography
1. The Karate Kid | PART I | Drunk Miyagi “BONZAI” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=njj7wgVmz_Y
2. Bee Gees — Secret Love (Official Video) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iVseOSFTGAw
3. From Souness’s Cup final recovery — Wembley, 1992 https://www.theguardian.com/football/2009/may/18/seven-deadly-sins-football-liverpool-souness-mcmanaman
4. RIGHT SAID FRED — WHERE DO YOU GO TO MY LOVELY? | OFFICIAL MUSIC VIDEO https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DBZ9cslyyc0
5. Peter Sarstedt’s Where did you go to my lovely? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L8XQZYIiNgo
6. Whitney Houston — I Will Always Love You (Official Music Video) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3JWTaaS7LdU
7. R.E.M. — The One I Love (Official Video) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j7oQEPfe-O8&list=PLv5_vg_ZHMDGEV_itzVj8fgGmQQYAd2d_&index=6
8. ROBIN BECK — First time (original clip) https://youtu.be/Bh6-L98l6eE?list=PLv5_vg_ZHMDGEV_itzVj8fgGmQQYAd2d_
9. Sunblock — ‘First Time’ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J6-QBh1YsWA&list=PLv5_vg_ZHMDGEV_itzVj8fgGmQQYAd2d_&index=9
10. DJ Sammy Heaven. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WD-0uwFw8y4&list=PLv5_vg_ZHMDGEV_itzVj8fgGmQQYAd2d_&index=11
11. Debbie Gibson Electric Youth https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lqAOB143KqY&list=PLv5_vg_ZHMDGEV_itzVj8fgGmQQYAd2d_&index=15
12. Bonnie Tyler Holding out for a hero. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bWcASV2sey0&list=PLv5_vg_ZHMDGEV_itzVj8fgGmQQYAd2d_&index=27
13. Celine Dion My heart will go on https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EcU0qbV70rU&list=PLv5_vg_ZHMDGEV_itzVj8fgGmQQYAd2d_&index=23
14. Céline Dion — My Heart Will Go On (Live) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WNIPqafd4As&list=PLv5_vg_ZHMDGEV_itzVj8fgGmQQYAd2d_&index=24
15. Titanic final scene. “The Dream” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0v-L-b3wF0g&list=PLv5_vg_ZHMDGEV_itzVj8fgGmQQYAd2d_&index=26
16. Braveheart Freedom Scene https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cCHf8FxqzJc&list=PLv5_vg_ZHMDGEV_itzVj8fgGmQQYAd2d_&index=25
17. Why we must never bring back the death penalty- my own experience. https://medium.com/@james_4450/why-we-must-never-bring-back-the-death-penalty-my-own-experience-6ead62567c8a
18. A Flock of Seagulls Wishing https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=opkzgLMH5MA&list=PLv5_vg_ZHMDGEV_itzVj8fgGmQQYAd2d_&index=22&t=0s
19. Flashheart In Action https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=klnAMIWN3T0
20. Lord Flashheart’s Grand Entrance | Blackadder | BBC Comedy Greats https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aKfbSHW9uGA
21. Charlene I’ve never been to me. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=txGhgfo6Iew&list=PLv5_vg_ZHMDGEV_itzVj8fgGmQQYAd2d_&index=27
22. Heart — What About Love? (Official Music Video) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KE5GGMhmo-M&list=PLv5_vg_ZHMDGEV_itzVj8fgGmQQYAd2d_&index=21
23. Boogie Pimps Someone to love https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t6HSlZBNwUQ&list=PLv5_vg_ZHMDGEV_itzVj8fgGmQQYAd2d_&index=22
24. The Terminator ~ ‘I Came Across Time For You Sarah… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UZQ5V4V3cuo
25. There’s a storm coming in (The Terminator) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5X_nnGuOdKA&list=PLv5_vg_ZHMDGEV_itzVj8fgGmQQYAd2d_&index=24
